Scientists attempt to explain weird phenomena centred around Zagreb

Scientists at the ‘Large Hadron Collider’ at the CERN facility in Switzerland have admitted today that during yesterday’s test firing of the giant magneto device, they may possibly have opened up a series of alternate realities spheres, one of which appeared to have been centred around the Maksimir football stadium in Zagreb, Croatia, whilst reports also came in of strange goings on at the Largleeunpronouncable Stadium in Reykjavik.

At approximately 9.45pm the news agencies were claiming that the England football team, almost identical, in all physical aspects, to the one that had huffed and puffed to beat the Andorran goat-farmers on saturday, had smashed, the previously unbeaten on home soil, Croatians, 4-1. Further evidence that not all was quite right with reality, was revealed when Scotland scored their first goals under new coach, George Burley, to beat Magnus Magnusson’s Iceland, 2-1, with a doppelganger of Rangers journeyman clogger, Kirk Broadfoot, scoring the all important first goal. Confirmation that reality had been altered came with the news that Switzerland had lost to the tiny Duchy of Luxembourg.
Chief scientist, Professor “Doc” Brown, announced at a hastily convened press conference, “We believe that in firing a beam of protons around the particle accelerator at exactly 88mph, we have recorded the first ever artificially created Giggs boson, popularly known as the “Hod particle”, a tiny sub-atomic structure that is capable of creating an extra yard of space and second of time.”
Explaining further to the uncomprehending collection of journalists, he continued,  “We also recorded the creation of the Theotron, a fast moving particle that can slice through the crowded space-time continium, a particle that was first posited by the eminent Swede physicist, Professor Erik Yuran Svensson, several years ago. We also seem to have discovered the origin of some of the “Dark energy” that makes up 73% of the mass of the universe in an unstable particle called the Wazza R boson, which is most often found sitting in the Black hole behind the frontier particle or Em boson, a large, dense particle which can collapse rapidly and without warning.”
The scientists then went on to tell the gathered audience that there was no reason to panic and that our original reality would return over the coming weeks or months and that the natural order of things was likely to be restored in time for the next round of World Cup qualifiers.
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Explore posts in the same categories: Alternate reality, Boson, CERN, Croatia, England, George Burley, Large Hadron Collider, Theo Walcott

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