Football League defends "phantom goal"

Stuart Attwell explains the "conceptual goal" to the Watford players

The Football League has dismissed calls for a replay between Championship sides Watford and Reading, despite the Professional Game Match Officials board’s admission that the goal awarded by referee Stuart Attwell after his assistant flagged was “a complete and utter cock up”.

“The laws of the game give no discretion in these matters — the referee’s decision is final, we can’t disregard his opinion despite the fact that there were 14,761 witnesses who claim that the ball never went within a country mile of the Watford goal” said the League’s chief operating officer, Andy Williamson. “Given this explicit position, the League cannot intervene.” before muttering something about head of the Premier League, Richard Scudamore, not having to “defend this sort of sh*t”.

The goal was awarded with 13 minutes of the match played, a Reading corner glanced off Watford defender John Eustace and went out of play over the byline. Attwell, however, awarded a goal when his myopic assistant raised his flag, to the confusion of all present.

In a post-match statement, wet behind the ears ref, Attwell, 25, claimed that he had awarded the goal for ‘intent’, claiming that there was no actual requirement within the laws of the game for the ball to have actually entered the oppositions goal for a goal to be awarded.
“In my view there was sufficient evidence of ‘intent’ from the Reading forward line for a goal to be awarded, they had been trying for several minutes to score and only Watford’s desperate rearguard actions, especially by their goalkeeper, who incidentally had to be warned several times for continually handling the ball during the match, had denied them. Basically it’s like when the referee gives a foul despite no contact being made, the fact that the offender intended to foul is enough for the foul to be given, the same is true for goals, and if you consult FIFA’s new guidelines it was perfectly reasonable for me to award a conceptual goal despite the ball actually crossing the goal line several yards outside of the goal.” 

Reading manager, Steve Coppell admitted to being surprised at the referee’s interpretation of the new guidelines, “So far this season I’ve seen bugger all evidence of intent to score goals from our players, but, to be honest, at the moment I’m like John Merrick at a swingers party, I’ll take whatever I can get.”

In the post-match press conference his Watford counterpart, Aidy Boothroyd, stated “Is this what they think is acceptable outside of the Premier League? F**king schoolkids refereeing football matches? Those c**ts Ferguson and Wenger wouldn’t put up with this sort of sh*t…if I see that little f**ker round these parts again I’ll give the snivelling tw*t a conceptual smack in the mouth that’ll send him home to his mummy crying his piggy little eyes out.”
Sky Sports chief analyst, Andy Gray, when asked to comment said “Did it happen in the Chelsea vs Manchester United match? No? Well then why does anyone give a flying f**k? Reading? Watford? Are they owned by billionaires or rich Arab consortiums? No they’re not, so why are you bothering me with this parochial nonsense, f**k off I’ve got bigger fish to fry, like Mike Riley’s constant victimisation of Rio Ferdinand”.
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Explore posts in the same categories: Aidy Boothroyd, conceptual, Phantom goal, Reading, Referees, Steve Coppell, Stuart Attwell, Watford

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