Middlesbrough boss forces team to watch videos of his Pizza Hut adverts in effort to boost morale

In a postmatch interview, Gareth Southgate put Middlesbrough’s two first half goals against West Ham in last night’s FA Cup 4th Round replay down to his decision to make his squad watch looped videos of his post-EURO 96 Pizza Hut commercials.

In an effort to guide his Middlesbrough side out of the relegation zone and end their recent goal drought the Boro boss explained that he had produced a special video showing his vital semi-final penalty and subsequent pizza adverts set to Coldplay’s “I will fix you” in an effort to inspire his young, mostly English bunch of losers.

“We decided” said the beleaguered penalty ace “that drastic action was needed to reverse our current malaise. We all know that Aliadiere and Alves are both world class strikers who are just lacking in confidence, so anything that can make them feel better and give them the knowledge that it doesn’t matter if you screw up and crush a whole nation’s hopes and dreams, what matters is that you will always have the safety blanket of commercial sponsorship should it all go tits up”.

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