United goalkeeper reveals secret of success for penalty shoot-outs

Foster makes Carling Cup final penalty save

Foster makes Carling Cup final penalty save

English football was yesterday rocked to it’s very core when Ben Foster brazenly admitted that he had practiced and prepared himself for the possibility of a penalty shoot-out before sunday’s Carling Cup Final.

In an interview just 24 hours after helping Manchester United to their second trophy of the season, by triumphing 4-1 on penalties against reigning cup holders, Tottenham Hotspurs, the Red Devils goalkeeper revealed the secret of his shoot-out success.

“Well, in England we always regard penalties as a ‘lottery’ which relies purely on luck and no skill at all but here at Manchester United one of our coaches, Eric Steele, had studied the success of German teams in shoot-outs over the years and it turns out that actually scoring, under pressure, from 12 yards and, indeed saving penalties is a skill that can be practiced! I mean who knew?’

“I know that it doesn’t seem fair” continued the United and ex-Watford stopper “and not the English way but it turns out that the sneaky Bosch have been doing it for years, even going so far as to study videos of their opponents taking previous penalties! Believe it or not, contrary to what many at the FA believe this is perfectly legal and within the laws of the game!”

When asked about this questionable tactic, Spurs supremo, Harry Redknapp, queried whether it was ‘within the spirit of the game’.

“Well, to be honest wiv yer, it’s tantamount to cheating innit? In this country we’ve got a tradition for being unprepared and just willing to give it a go, hit and hope. I mean did we prepare before The Iraq War? Or the Charge of the Light Brigade? No we just rushed in full of bravado and enthusiasm before accepting our ultimate fate.”

Redknapp continued “By disproving  the ‘you can’t practice penalties’ theories and showing the ‘penalties are a lottery’ brigade for the fools they are, Sir Alex and his evil minions have brought crashing down one of the last bastions of the British Empire. If we don’t nip this in the bud now we could end up with an England team winning a shoot-out in a major tournament for only the second time in history, and where will that leave us?”

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One Comment on “United goalkeeper reveals secret of success for penalty shoot-outs”

  1. akinsehinwa Says:

    waht you poepel do is best


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