England reveal new away kit

Beckham models new England away shirt

Beckham models new England away shirt

Following on from the success of the new ‘extreme retro’ England home shirt, featuring their patented pseudo-scientific sounding ‘second skin armour technology’, Umbro have announced that the new away kit will not feature a shirt at all but that the players will play in ‘skins’ with the iconic three lions badge tattooed onto the players left breast.

Umbro spokesman, head sports kit technician, Pim Bladderstein, claimed that this revolutionary breakthrough in kit design means that the England players will be much more streamlined and impervious to dirty foreign tactics such as shirt pulling, although he did admit that nipple tweaking at corners may have to be combated by the use of elastoplasts.

When questioned about the use of the new away kit for fixtures in cold conditions Pim revealed that Umbro would be producing a specially formulated gel composed of goose fat and chip oil, which would be smeared on the players bodies providing an extra layer of insulation, something which most England fans, especially those from the North-East, won’t require.

Worries expressed about Wayne Rooney’s pasty complexion and the dangers of sunburn in matches played in sunny climates were allayed by Umbro’s tie-in with suncream manufacturers Ambare Solair.

The new England ‘shirt’, which is actually a kit containing a Three Lions temporary tattoo, a tub of the specially formulated goose/chip fat and a bottle of Factor 30 suncream, will go on sale from monday priced at £49.99.

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