Alan Green claims Chelsea vs Liverpool Champions League encounter was ‘Worst. Match. Ever’


Pig faced professional whiner, Alan Green, last night

Pig faced professional whiner, Alan Green, last night

Curmudgeonly, greasy haired, 5Live munchkin, Alan Green claimed today that last night’s 4-4 draw between Chelsea and Liverpool was just a stale continuation of the two teams recent Champions league encounters and that if you stripped away the goals, the penalty,  the goalkeeping mistakes, the passion and the excitement, all you were left with was 90 minutes of a pointlessly played out ‘dead rubber’.

Hosting brainless, ignorant, view spew and Premier League wankfest, ‘606’, last night, Greenie, railed against any suggestions from callers that last night’s match was one of the best in a long, long time, calling it a ‘display of ineptitude not seen since my wedding night’.

“Yes some cretins like to see plenty of goals and exciting action but that’s not what English football is all about. Where was the defensive excellence? Where was the midfield stalemate that so exemplified English success in Europe in the 70’s and 80’s? I say it’s about time those idiots at FIFA re-introduced the back pass rule to encourage mindless time wasting and get the game back to it’s stupefying tactical roots”.

He went on to suggest  that Aurelio’s free-kick was a fluke, that Petr Cech’s hat makes him look like a child with special needs, there is no Father Christmas and that we will all, every last one of us, die horrible deaths, alone and unloved.

When it was suggested that he was no longer a commentator who ‘told it as he saw it’ but had, in fact, made a career out of being childishly, and often ignorantly, contradictory, he shouted “No I’m haven’t!” before storming off, muttering darkly about everyone being in league with ‘Sir Alex’.

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One Comment on “Alan Green claims Chelsea vs Liverpool Champions League encounter was ‘Worst. Match. Ever’”

  1. Radiogagger Says:

    Green is wrong, the 15 minute half-time interval was quite good by Chelsea v Liverpool standards.

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