BBC3 issues apology for constant droning noise during it’s Confeds Cup coverage

VuvuzelasA spokesman for BBC3 today issued a formal apology to viewers of it’s Confederations Cup coverage regarding the incessant droning noise during the matches, which unusually for BBC football coverage was not, for once, coming from Mark Lawrenson, but rather the strange and annoying plastic horns which have been distributed to the uninterested crowds.

He explained that the intensely irritating whine was being produced by the crowd using “Vuvuzelas”, a type of  horn which is meant to sound like the trumpeting of an elephant but which is actually more reminiscent of swarm of angry mosquitos buzzing inches from your head.

Representations have been made to FIFA with the BBC Sport’s Head of Football, Niall Sloane, telling the sport’s governing body “The audience will switch off in droves if this constant noise is allowed at the World Cup. It’s going to be hard enough encouraging people to watch Togo versus Paraguay as it is without this racket being allowed, we’ve already seen from ITV’s use of David Pleat as a summariser and subsequent drop in ratings, that audiences will not put up with this sort of thing.”

However a representative for the South African footballing authorities promoting the meaningless kickabout claimed  “The ‘Vuvuzelas’ are an important part of South African soccer culture. There’s nothing more that fans of the Bafana Bafana like to do than piss off everyone else in the stadium and the watching world by blowing into a cheap, tacky bugle for hours on end. We South Africans are known throughout the world for being loud and obnoxious so why would we change the habits of a lifetime on our own soil?”

FIFA are expected to make a decision on the possible banning of the controversial instruments as soon as they get the results of a legal report into whether they can have the sole rights to marketing them.

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