Premier League ask Professor Hawking to investigate Tevez deal

 

Professor Stephen Hawkings in Lego

Professor Stephen Hawking in Lego

Premier League officials today admitted than any potential transfer involving troglodytic Argentine striker, Carlos Tevez, is likely to be so complex that they have asked theoretical physicist, Professor Stephen Hawking, to investigate and try to explain it to them.

The striker’s contract with Premier League Champs, Manchester United, expires on 30 June which is expected to initiate a frenzy of speculation over his future, with Chelsea and Man. City  believed to be amongst the clubs vying for his services.

Tevez’s transfers have caused considerable controversy since he first moved to West Ham from the Brazilian club Corinthians. His career has been complicated by his being part owned, in some sort of footballing timeshare scam, by a consortium formerly fronted by Kia Joorabchian, the entirely above board and in no way shady, Anglo-Iranian businessman who now acts as the Argentina forward’s adviser and also the fact they only potentially exist in a multidimensional parallel universe in L-space.

However the Premier League have sought to investigate  and have called upon one of the World’s biggest boffins to ensure that no element of any third-party agreement in any  new deal can potentially threaten the Space-Time continuum, as one of British football’s most convoluted and complicated transfer sagas finally comes to an end.

Professor Hawking, speaking at a convention for fans of 80s educational toy ‘Speak ‘n’ Spell’, explained “For years I have posited the existence of theoretical contracts and metaphysical ‘third party’ elements and now, finally, I have the chance to examine one in reality. I am grateful to the Premier League to allow me to work on this intriguing, unique and unstable example of this phenomena.”

His publishers confirmed the rumours that they would be publishing the wheelchair bound egghead’s findings in an unintelligible coffee table book provisionally titled “A Brief History of Tevez”.

A Sheffield United spokesman also commented that they have a legal team prepared and ready to go depending on Professor Hawkings findings.

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One Comment on “Premier League ask Professor Hawking to investigate Tevez deal”


  1. Love it! I hear Prof Richard Dawkins is working on a book disproving the existence of Alan Shearer.


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