Fergie unveils exciting new striking prospect

 

Michaeh Owen yesterday

Michael Owen attends his medical at Old Trafford

 Sir Alex Ferguson today reveiled that English superclub, Manchester United, are on the verge of signing former European Footballer of the Year and balsa wood boned, Michael Owen.

In a riposte to free spending Real Madrid, who have now spunked nearly £200million on Kaka, Ronaldo, Albiol and Benzema, Fergie revealed that United were in no way crippled by their estimated £700million debt and could cut it with Real when it came to signing the big names in the world game.

He claimed that United would be stronger next season despite losing World Footballer of the Year, Ronaldo, and apparently wanting to replace him with a Honduran winger from Wigan and a knackered striker from the early part of the decade.

Michael, 29, but with the hamstrings of a man three times his age, is believed to have accepted a cut-price deal with the Old Trafford based giants and will sign today subject to the unlikely event of him managing to staying upright and not falling to the ground, curled in the foetal position wracked with pain clutching his knee during his rigorous medical.

Owen’s agents, the Wasserman Group, claimed that their much derided shiny brochure, had been a success and that Sir Alex had been persuaded by Owen’s core values, his goalscoring record and the free Panini stickers that had been attached to the front.

They also claimed that Owen’s move to a big club could give him a renewed opportunity to get back into the England squad so that he can breakdown sometime during the World Cup in South Africa, Fabio Capello was unavailable for comment on this, but an FA spokesman, when asked, did suppress a giggle and say that there was more chance of Capello making Titus Bramble England captain.

Manchester United fans across the country, from Surrey to Cornwall, seem to be divided on the signing, with internet forums awash with fans either trying to delude themselves that Owen’s signing could work out like a latter day Cantona or calling Owen “a little Scouse sh*tbag who will spend all his time in the Old Trafford treatment room”.

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