Posted tagged ‘BBC’

Producers of BBC’s “The Football League Show” launch inquiry into ‘Woman-on-the-shitter-gate”

August 10, 2009
Not exactly Torquay vs Chesterfield

Not exactly Torquay vs Chesterfield

Producers of the BBC’s much heralded new saturday night soccer programme ,”The Football League Show”, have today announced that they will be launching an in-depth and far reaching inquiry into how last Saturday’s show came to be interrupted by several minutes of footage of a women, knickers round her ankles, sitting on the toilet.

The incident happened during the League Two round up and disrupted coverage of Torquay’s return to Football League action, after two years in the Blue Square Premier, against Chesterfield.

A spokesman for the BBC apologised and said “The highlights were interrupted for a few seconds due to a technical hitch, we believe that Ian Holloway had got temporarily distracted by the inanity of the viewers texts and e-mails and idly started fiddling with a remote control which may have resulted in the live feed being changed to that of the ITV saturday night movie thriller “Micturating Women”.

He continued “We apologise for any distress caused to our viewers, but considering they’d already put up with over 50 minutes of Manish Bhasin’s bizarre shouting and staring wildy at the camera, the viewers comments section with the woman in the isolation chamber which actually lowered your IQ as you listened to it and that permatanned grinning fool, Mark Clemins, off of Radio 5Live brown nosing Peter Ridsdale, I don’t think the sight of an attractive blonde relieving herself would’ve put them off. And, unlike those klutzes at ITV, at least we didn’t miss the all important winning goal after 120 minutes of soul destroying bore draw by cutting to an ad break.”

After the incident, the League Two highlights continued before handing back to the main studio, a cross between the London stock market trading floor and NASA mission control, where a slightly sheepish looking Bhasin gave expert nonsense talkers, Ollie and Claridge, a filthy look before standing in front of some bizzare giant blue screen display of the league tables and spouting the same phrase “and they’re the bookies favourite” over and over again.

Wednesday night sees the BBC’s coverage of the prestigious Carling Cup and fans up and down the country will be tuning in expectantly to see what idiocy awaits.


BBC announce live Championship games

July 2, 2009


Damien Duff, he used to play for Chelsea, no really.

Damien Duff, he used to play for Chelsea, no really.

The BBC, in a show of commitment to the Championship, have announced that the first of their 10 televised matches will feature newly relegated from the Premier League, Newcastle United, away to, just demoted from the Premier League, West Bromwich Albion.

A spokesman for the broadcasters denied accusations that they were ashamed to be showing football from outside the top flight and stated that the use of a hastily edited intro from “Match of the Day” with Gary Lineker’s voice dubbed whenever he uses the words “Premier League” was a cost cutting decision and not at all an indication that the corporation really wanted to be showing Manchester United vs Liverpool.

“If you squint a bit, imagine the players being a lot more twatty and ignore the standard of the football, then I guess you could pretend that you’re watching a Premier League match from last season, but I can assure you that this is entirely coincidental. We, at the BBC, are fully supportive of our commitment to the Championship, and we will endeavour to cover as many of the second rate clubs as we can.”.

“Teams with a rich history and fairly recent Premier League experience can expect to feature in at least one match, so fans of  Ipswich, Watford, Reading and Middlesbrough should be happy that they will have matches televised, most likely when they play Newcastle.”

When asked, by journalists, if this included showing live matches featuring teams such as Scunthorpe and Blackpool, he coughed and muttered something under his breathe about Hell freezing over.