Posted tagged ‘Notts County’

Sol Campbell leaves Notts County

September 23, 2009
Chas 'n' Dave, pictured in happier times

Chas 'n' Dave, pictured in happier times

Sol Campbell’s agent has confirmed to “Festival of Football” that the player has agreed to leave League Two side Notts County after playing only one match.

The ex-Spurs and England man is believed to have made the decision upon hearing the news that popular Cockney knees up merchants, ‘Chas ‘n’ Dave’ had split up yesterday.

Reading from a pre-prepared statement, Sol’s spokesman said “Sol has always been a big fan of ‘Chas ‘n’ Dave’, especially during his time at Tottenham Hotspurs, where they would often be invited to play at club functions, and he believes that it would be wrong for him, at this time of great sadness, to be playing football for Notts County. Sol would like it to be known that he is prepared to join Chas Hodges, in this hour of darkness, and play guitar, he is even prepared to change his name to Dave Campbell if this means that the legend of ‘Chas ‘n’ Dave’ can go on”

The former Pompey stopper, 34, is believed to have been practising his axemanship on ‘Guitar Hero’ for quite some time and was always looking to move into the music business once his playing career had come to a natural end. However the opportunity to work with his pop idol, Chas Hodges, has proved to be too much of a lure and he is believed to be prepared to rip up his £40,000 a week, 5 year deal with Sven’s County in order to pursue his dream of touring the pubs and clubs of the UK, belting out “Margate”, “Rabbit” and “Snooker Loopy”.


Sven appointed Director of Rumpy-Pumpy at Notts County

July 22, 2009


Sven gives two thumbs up to the Nottingham ladies

Sven gives two thumbs up to the Nottingham ladies

Swedish love god and sometime football manager, Sven Goran Erikkson, has been appointed Director of Rumpy-Pumpy at League Two club, Notts County.

The former England, Manchester City and Mexico headcoach, and ex-paramour of fellow Swede Ulrika Johnson and curvaceous, former FA secretary and office bike, Faria Alam, has today been confirmed as joining the backroom staff of the Meadow Lane club.

In an interview with gathered journalists the bespectacled lothario said “It is well known that Nottingham has a female to male ratio of 4:1, this is why the University is so popular with boys, as even a spotty lad who’s hit every branch on his fall from the ugly tree can get a bit of action in this town.”

“To be honest” he continued “since I went to Mexico I’ve had a bit of a barren spell, Nancy left me, and thanks to their strict religious upbringing and aversion to palid, Scandinavian men in tight Speedos, the Mexican babes gave me a wide berth. So I thought, where better to go than England, somewhere where I’ve always had great success, off the field if not necessarily on it! And in England, where better to go than Nottingham, a city that is renowned for it’s quantity and quality of loose women. If I can’t score here then I might as well chop off little Svenis and post it back to Malmö”.

Eriksson, has been lured to the East Midlands club by a Middle East-backed consortium called Munto Finance, although Erikkson joked “They are not the first ‘Munto’ to lure me somewhere”.

His  package will be the subject of much conjecture but a spokesman said it would “largely be determined by the success of Notts County” on the pitch. His duties will include overseeing all the hiring of female staff at the club and selecting various young, attractive female fans to entertain him and fellow corporate members in his executive suite. He will be joined by his trusted assistant and masturbatory technique soundalike , Tord Grip.